Samuel is born

Samuel was born alive on Monday evening (Jan 25th) at 9:57pm weighing 4 lbs 12ozs @ 18 inches long. Samuel lived for 33 precious minutes before passing away in our arms.

My water broke at 5pm that evening which initiated nice, steady contractions fairly quickly. I knew we didn’t have much time. Dan raced home and we got our stuff together and we arrived at the triage center @ the hospital at 6pm. There, they monitored my contractions and Samuel’s heart beat for about 2 hours while I lied in a bed the whole time. Things seemed to be moving at a nice slow pace for the most part. My contractions were still about 4-5 min apart (dilated to 3cm) and Samuel’s heart rate hovered around a consistent 150-160 bpm. As soon as our delivery room was ready, I chose to walk myself there without any assistance from the staff. I had all of about 10 minutes to walk/look around the room before the ‘real’ strong labor pains kicked in. I barely could walk myself to the bed. Once I made it, the nurse confirmed I was dilated to 7 cm and paged the perinatologist to come to our room because I was progressing so rapidly. Within 5 more minutes I was at 10 cm and ready to push. The doctor was still not there yet and I had to breathe short breaths through my agonizing contractions until the doctor arrived. It probably only took a few minutes, but for me and without pain medication, it seemed like an eternity. The doctor threw on his gown and mask so quickly and got into position for delivery. In 3 pushes, Samuel was born alive!

Samuel was not strong enough to cry, open his eyes, or completely gain a full pink color through his few intermittent breaths but his heart was beating and he was breathing. The doctor placed him on my chest immediately after his birth and was then later wrapped up and handed to his dad’s arms. We loved the fact he was alive and that we got to meet him for the very first time! We took the opportunity to tell him how much we loved him and how proud we were of him because he was such a strong little fighter. He did everything he could, and fought the good fight so that he could meet his mommy and daddy if only for a very brief period. He showed no signs of discomfort and seemed completely at peace during the short beautiful minutes of his life. At 10:30 pm the nurses did a final check and confirmed that Samuel was gone. He lived for 33 very short minutes. After he passed we called for our family to join us in the delivery room as we said our good-byes and took our final pictures with our sweet little guy.

He remained with us for the next 15 ½ hours after being transferred to our post partum room. We just couldn’t let him go. We knew his perfect soul was no longer in his frail little body, but somehow this was more comforting to us to have him with us. We didn’t want to go back to the room empty handed. Sleep was overrated at that point and neither of us could take our attention from him. We got to study his wonderful little features. We got the opportunity to note how he looked so much like our son Luke. We got the time we needed to pray together, weep together and pray over him. We really enjoyed and treasured the time we had with him. Our time with him was so sweet and short that we didn’t care about anything else. It was like the outside world wasn’t even there and time itself stopped and the only thing that existed was Samuel, his Momma, his Dada and God’s presence.

We are so thankful to God letting us be Samuel’s parents and allowing us the time we did have with Samuel. We prayed so hard to have ‘some’ time with our little boy and God responded! He knew our hearts and desires. We take comfort knowing he is now in the arms of Jesus. He has blessed us with so much in life already and though this experience was very hard to endure we both would not change it for the world. God is now giving us the strength and comfort to get through this rough period and we know our lives will forever be enriched by this whole experience; in our relationship to each other, to Luke and to our friends and family around us. That knowledge and the future life experiences we are to live on and have, is gift enough.

We'll be posting pictures from Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep photography soon.

Note to friends and family: In lieu of sending flowers or gifts of which we are grateful, we’ve decided that your gifts would be best served by making a donation to one of 3 organizations:

1) San Diego Hospice (the SD Hospice folks have been so great to us in the past weeks)

2) Another personal site that we found a great help and resource (with personal stories of survivors of Trisomy 13) that is very near and dear to our heart and is funded by a family with a surviving Trisomy 13 child where you can make a donation if you wish can be found here:

http://www.livingwithtrisomy13.org

3) A final site where Trisomy 13 and 18 that funds Research/Education/Awareness accepts donations is here:

http://www.hopefortrisomy13and18.org

Thoughts and Preparation in Week 37

I am now full term in the pregnancy. 37 weeks! What a milestone for our little guy!! Only 10 days to go until our induction. We are feeling apprehensive for what the future holds for our son, but our feelings are met with a lot of hope that Samuel is going to be strong enough to survive his birth and have some time with us. We know his heart is relatively strong with only a minor defect on the right side (see former blog post for this summary). His kidneys, bladder and stomach all appear to be the correct size for his gestational age in the last ultrasound (34 weeks). There were abnormalities found with each of these organs in prior weeks. Has God corrected these things as Samuel grew inside my tummy!? We so desperately want to believe the answer is yes! We are also hopeful Samuel’s lungs are strong too. Samuel gets the hiccups almost every night. I personally think this means he is preparing to breathe air (aiding lung development), but during this practice he is ingesting in too much amniotic fluid and hence the reason for his constant hiccups. I could be wrong but this is my current belief anyway. We have a good solid OB/Perinatologist to deliver Samuel and a hospital that is geared up with surgeons and other medical professionals if we need them.

I am picking up our visitor badges for our immediate family tomorrow. The hospital’s lead social worker has been incredible with ‘bending the rules’ for our situation to ensure all of our immediate family can be with us right after the birth and all at the same time. We found out last week there is a new H1N1 outbreak hospital policy that greatly limits visitation to patients who have just delivered babies. The policy also excludes ALL children under the age of 18 from any visitation whatsoever. The social worker is getting this policy overturned too for Luke, but his visitation time has to be greatly limited. Regardless, I am so very grateful to her for this! I just cannot imagine meeting and getting to know Samuel after the delivery and they tell me Luke could not be a part of that experience. I would be crushed.

This week, we are packing the hospital bags, finalizing the birth plan and plan on doing some doing some of our own amateur pregnancy photography (I’ll post a pic on the blog if something turns out good). It is also my last week at work so there are quite a few loose ends still to tie up.

Finally, we went to the store yesterday and had Luke pick out a gift (a little plush stuffed lamb) to give Samuel. I think this will be pretty special as Luke is just now starting to understand how to give and share with others. We have been telling him that his little brother is coming for some time now since my belly grew. He seems to somewhat understand because he has pointed to my belly and say’s “baby” and gives it a big hug. It’s so sweet. I really should capture that on video before it is too late!

Latest Tours

Last Friday we had the opportunity to take a tour of an In-patient Care Facility at San Diego Hospice. This facility was spectacular to say the least. It was similar to a nice hotel but with hospital beds. I never knew such a thing was made available to patients who were terminally ill. Our Hospice social worker led Dan and I on this tour. The building was beautifully designed and perched high on a hill overlooking all of Mission and Fashion Valley (you can actually see all the way to the ocean!). It was probably one of the best views I have ever seen of San Diego. The mood within this place was so calming and serene. Beautiful local art on the walls, comfy lounge areas for families, manicured gardens and statues in the courtyard, and nice walkways out to the look-out points. There were activities going on for patients who chose to come out of their rooms. They offer every type of therapy imaginable - pet, aroma, massage, etc. But even after seeing this facility and contemplating the idea we may be there with our little Samuel just did not seem real to me. It was hard to envision our family residing there even though Samuel has been given a grim prognosis to live. And I am not sure why.

I think the reality and gravity of our situation hit both Dan and I when we took a private tour of Mary Birch Hospital yesterday. Of course, I was so happy it was a private tour because we could ask the hospital’s social worker very specific questions applicable to our needs- our need for a private postpartum room, our need to know the neonatologist working the day of our induction (1/29), our need for specialized equipment for Samuel (such as a breast pump and specialized bottles for his cleft palate), and of course our need to know the locations of the NICU and Rady Children’s Hospital in the chance he is transferred. We had the opportunity to walk through the Mary Birch level-3 NICU. I remember feeling faint as all of the memories of being in there when we had Luke came flooding back. Of course, Luke was in a level-2 NICU at Scripps and his condition was so very minor compared to Samuel’s. I couldn’t help but feel completely overwhelmed…. looking at these beautiful babies all around just trying to live and get stronger for their mommies and daddies. I could see the emotion on people’s faces who were spending time with these little ones. They had expressions of concern and hope, and probably accompanied with a lot of exhaustion. All this was so very real to me. I felt like I was already in their shoes even though little Sammy is still safe and sound tucked away inside my tummy.

Induction is Scheduled

Happy New Years! We are happily welcoming this New Year ahead of us as we know it will be the year of our precious baby boy's birth.

We had another OB visit and ultrasound yesterday and it was probably the most 'routine' feeling I've ever felt, if that is even possible. No new discoveries found in the ultrasound this time and, in fact, things were really hard to see because little Samuel is getting so big now and is pretty well pressed up against my uterine walls. Even with his larger size, the sonographer reported that he is still very small. He is in the 3%-tile for his gestational age and weighs approximately 3 lbs / 5 oz. Regardless of this aspect, he appears to be thriving and well inside my tummy and that makes me so happy!

We are ~5 weeks away from our due date. The burning question came up during our visit whether or not we wanted to induce. We told the doctor we made the decision we did want to induce so that we could ensure we had a prepared setting for when our little Samuel made his entrance into this world. We want our own OB to deliver him since she already has strong familiarity with his condition. Also, we want to have the opportunity to speak to the neonatologist on staff beforehand so we can prepare him/her about our Samuel. We haven't decided exactly when the evaluation will happen after his birth, but we know the neonatologist's expert opinion will greatly help us with some of our on-the-spot decisions.

Our induction is scheduled for Friday, January 29th (~1 week before our due date). This is only 4 weeks away. The reality of Samuel's birth is now completely starting to set in for us. We are overrun with many emotions again.... feelings of excitement, a longing to finally meet him but at the same time having a very real fear of losing him. This is something we may never be completely ready for with any amount of planning or doctor's suggested prognosis.

We have purchased 2 newborn outfits for our sweet Samuel. One is for pictures after he is born and the other is his take-home outfit. I will remain optimistic of this possibility for as long as God allows us to. We know God performs miracles and it is all in His hands at this point. I feel way more comfortable and at peace knowing this.