Before we buried our darling little Samuel, we put a few things in his casket. Dan and I both hand wrote him a letter and Luke contributed the little stuffed lamb he brought for Samuel the day he met him at the hospital. Below is my letter. I know he will never be able to read it, but I believe some way, some how God can communicate our messages back to the people who now live with Him in heaven. My letter was also shared during the services at Samuel's funeral.
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My Beloved Samuel,
How your time with mommy and daddy was so short and sweet. We couldn't be more proud of you for staying so incredibly strong during the 9 months of our pregnancy and enduring the harshness of my quick and intense labor. Despite all the odds, I just have to say "you DID it!" You made it into this world alive! You fought off your condition that was not meant for the boundaries on this earth to sustain your little life. 1 in 10,000 were your chances to be conceived and sustain a live birth. And you defied these odds! Your daddy and I couldn't be more happy or proud. We are so incredibly grateful to have met you, to know you if only for such a short time, to have the ability to hug you, caress your soft cheeks, kiss your little hands and feet and tell you how much we love you.
You made such a huge impression on so many people and most of all me. You are our precious gift, God has blessed our family with in so many ways. He gave you to us to fulfill His glory, to fill our hearts with so much joy and love, and to teach us so many things.
You taught me what it means to fight when all the odds are stacked against you.
You taught me how to love beyond the depths of where my heart did not know it could reach.
You taught me that nothing of this world is more important than the moments we have with loved ones at this very day, hour and minute.
Thank you for these lessons and your courage and will to live for those 33 wonderful minutes. I couldn’t have asked for anything more in you. You were beautiful and perfect in every way. One day we will be together again, one day in heaven where you are now strong and flourishing in Jesus' arms. I look forward to that day where we can be together again.
I wanted to share some things I learned about you with loved ones they may or may not have known while you were living here with us inside my tummy:
1) In the late stages of our pregnancy which most likely would have been your newborn routine- you were a morning person (like me)… you went to sleep early but often woke up around 10-11pm for a little exercise.
2) You loved sweets (like your brother) and you let me know this often. Even with the diet restrictions placed on me, we managed to fit some in from time to time as long as we paired it with protein. I think you really appreciated that because that was when you were the most active.
3) You had the hiccups a lot! I think this meant that you were doing everything in your power to imitate the act of breathing in my tummy so that you would be strong enough to do this in front of mommy and daddy once you were born. Practice makes perfect right? Thanks for practicing this incredible feat and doing everything in your power to be strong and hold on to your life so that we had the incredible opportunity to meet you!
We love you so much little guy,
Mommy
Friday, February 12, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Samuel’s Funeral and Photography
It’s been almost a week since our son Samuel’s funeral. There isn’t a day that goes by that we are not re-living his memories when he was in my tummy or during the time we had with him in the hospital. We miss him so much and our hearts still break each day that he is not home with us. We know time will help and that it will get easier from the heartache perspective but we’ll be forever changed. Little Samuel has enriched our lives so much, more than we could have imagined. We are comforted knowing that Samuel is now strong and flourishing with Jesus and living in his heavenly body free from Trisomy 13 complications.
Samuel’s funeral was held on Friday, January 29, the same day we were intending to induce my labor. The services were so beautiful and intimate consisting of our immediate and some extended family. Our pastor at Seacoast Community Church, Rick Myatt, conducted Samuel’s eulogy. Rick’s words that day were so warm & comforting and greatly helped us with closure. After the services, Samuel was laid to rest in an infant cemetery located in Sorrento Valley, CA.
We picked up our pictures this week from our 'Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep' photographer. Our photographer, Joseph Farmer, was incredible. Joseph remained on call for our family that entire week. Once he got the call Samuel was born, he arrived at the hospital within a half hour. His timing was perfect since it aligned so well when our family (including Luke) came to meet us at the hospital. Joseph captured precious moments of Samuel alone, with mommy and daddy and some shots with the rest of our family. In the images, you will notice Samuel’s bilateral cleft lip and palate. His palate and upper lip never had a chance to completely form. As a result, the cartilage between his little nostrils and part of his palate couldn’t attach to anything and were on the outside of his mouth. Other abnormalities seen on our baby boy and were also consistent with what we saw in prior ultrasounds were: meningomyelocele (neural tube defect at the sacrum), omphalocele (herniation of some of his intestines through the umbilical cord), polydactyly (extra pinky on both hands and feet). But even with all of these Trisomy 13 defects, Samuel was so beautiful. We loved seeing and holding our little boy. We were also able to see so many features resembling his older brother, when Luke was just a newborn himself. These similarities include his wavy hair (and lots of it!), the shape of his nose and eyes and little cleft chin. We are proud to share some of these sweet images of our time with him at the hospital.
Additionally, here are some photos taken with our own camera.
Saying good-bye to Samuel
Samuel’s funeral was held on Friday, January 29, the same day we were intending to induce my labor. The services were so beautiful and intimate consisting of our immediate and some extended family. Our pastor at Seacoast Community Church, Rick Myatt, conducted Samuel’s eulogy. Rick’s words that day were so warm & comforting and greatly helped us with closure. After the services, Samuel was laid to rest in an infant cemetery located in Sorrento Valley, CA.
We picked up our pictures this week from our 'Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep' photographer. Our photographer, Joseph Farmer, was incredible. Joseph remained on call for our family that entire week. Once he got the call Samuel was born, he arrived at the hospital within a half hour. His timing was perfect since it aligned so well when our family (including Luke) came to meet us at the hospital. Joseph captured precious moments of Samuel alone, with mommy and daddy and some shots with the rest of our family. In the images, you will notice Samuel’s bilateral cleft lip and palate. His palate and upper lip never had a chance to completely form. As a result, the cartilage between his little nostrils and part of his palate couldn’t attach to anything and were on the outside of his mouth. Other abnormalities seen on our baby boy and were also consistent with what we saw in prior ultrasounds were: meningomyelocele (neural tube defect at the sacrum), omphalocele (herniation of some of his intestines through the umbilical cord), polydactyly (extra pinky on both hands and feet). But even with all of these Trisomy 13 defects, Samuel was so beautiful. We loved seeing and holding our little boy. We were also able to see so many features resembling his older brother, when Luke was just a newborn himself. These similarities include his wavy hair (and lots of it!), the shape of his nose and eyes and little cleft chin. We are proud to share some of these sweet images of our time with him at the hospital.
Additionally, here are some photos taken with our own camera.
Saying good-bye to Samuel
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